A Beginner’s Guide to Corruption
Release Date: July 21st, 2016
Print Length: 71 pages
Format: Digital and Paperback
POWER! WEALTH! SEX! What are these things without the corruption that feeds them? In A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO CORRUPTION, veteran humorist, David Misch, offers an easy and deliciously funny step-by-step guide on how to find or create corruption wherever you need it. If you appreciated America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't by Stephen Colbert, or The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents Earth (The Book) by Jon Stewart, you’ll enjoy the many “truths” of CORRUPTION!
Most people believe that the high-paying world of lying, cheating, stealing, kickbacks, bribes and blackmail is hopelessly out of reach. They’re right… unless they buy this book.
In just 71 fact(ish)-filled pages, comedy writer David Misch shows you dozens of sure-fire, time-tested and only marginally illegal ways to feed at the trough of political, financial and/or romantic depravity. But don’t take our word for it – listen to the master…
"Not everyone can be corrupt; it takes a magical combination of opportunity, moral turpitude and having something to sell: wealth, power, sex. (Got the set? Score!) Or, in lieu of those admirable attributes, a willingness to give up all moral standards and betray anyone who trusts you. Does this sound like you? Then welcome to “A Beginner’s Guide to Corruption”!"
And remember, “A Beginner’s Guide to Corruption” by David Misch has been called “The funniest book ever written about corruption” by corruption expert David Misch!
My dictionary defines “corruption” as “the act of impairing integrity, virtue, or moral principle; the state of being debased; impurity; wickedness; depravity.”
Wow. Ol’ Dictionary’s gettin’ pretty judgmental for an inanimate object in a dying technology.
Let’s get real, peeps: corruption is deceit in pursuit of personal gain. And while we can debate whether deceit is “good” or “bad”, nobody argues with personal gain. What are we after in life – personal loss? I don’t think so. And personal gain ain’t gonna leap onto your thighs for a free lap-dance; you gotta make it come to you.
There are lots of ways to do this: Wishing. Hoping. Hard Work. All perfectly valid... if you’re the world’s biggest pussy.
No, a brief perusal of today’s headlines shows that Corruption as a route to wealth and happiness is fast, easy and effective, other than when it takes years, requires enormous effort, and doesn’t work.
But let’s face it, not everyone can be corrupt; it takes a magical combination of opportunity, moral turpitude and having something to sell: wealth, power, sex. (Got the set? Score!) Or, in lieu of those admirable attributes, a willingness to give up all moral standards and betray anyone who trusts you. Does this sound like you? Then welcome to “A Beginner’s Guide to Corruption”!
A bit of preliminary advice; before fooling others, many expert corruptioneers find it helpful to fool themselves. Believing that what you do for personal gain is actually a sacrifice for your family/company/country is crucial to getting away with it. When Chief Bill Clinton Impeacher Newt Gingrich was discovered having an affair during the impeachment, he explained “There’s no question that, partially driven by how passionately I feel about this country, things happened in my life that were not appropriate.” Ah, Newt, we miss you.
(Meanwhile, Assistant Chief Clinton Impeacher Dennis Hastert was making multimillion-dollar payoffs to one of the teenagers he molested as a high school wrestling coach.)
To be conscious you’re evil risks Snidely Whiplash Syndrome, in which the victim grows a long moustache and twirls it obsessively while chortling. (SWS is especially challenging for women, a gender generally unschooled in the craft of evil-moustache-twirling.)
This book [Note to readers under 20: A “book” (buk) is a papyrus-based wireless display device which uses ultra-thin “pages” to convey information] will reveal the secret to success through corruption (and its bff fraud) in the fields of Politics, Finance and Love, and will give you this information in less than 30 minutes, assuming you skip the first 9 pages.
Why should obscene financial wealth and supercilious social status belong only to the professionally corrupt? I dream of a time when – thanks to their purchase of this moderately-priced “book” [see above] – every American will be able to say “I’m rich! I’m corrupt! And I’m not guilty! (Although I’m willing to plea bargain.)”
Advanced Praise for “A Beginner’s Guide to Corruption”:
"I thought I knew everything about lying, cheating and stealing -- this book disabused me of that. David Misch is one funny motherf@$&r.” -- Penn Jillette, Penn & Teller, "Penn's Sunday School" Podcast
"Hilarious!" – Daniel Klein, NY Times best-seller "Plato and a Platypus Walk Into A Bar... Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes"
“Who needs Machiavelli when you have Misch? 'A Beginner’s Guide to Corruption' covers much the same ground as 'The Prince', at a fraction of the time and with more laffs. Read, learn, and satisfy your heart’s every evil desire.” — Ellis Weiner, NY Times best-seller “Yiddish with Dick and Jane”
"Misch may be corrupt himself in saying he 'wrote' this book - because everything in it is 100% fact. What he HAS done, though, is figure out how to present such depressing reality hilariously. Really funny and smart." – Paul Provenza, "The Aristocrats", "¡Satiristas!"
David Misch has been a comic folksinger, stand-up comedian, and screenwriter; his credits include the multiple-Emmy-nominated “Mork and Mindy”, the Emmy-losing “Duckman”, the Emmy-ignored “Police Squad!”, the Emmy-engorged “Saturday Night Live”, and the Emmy-ineligible “The Muppets Take Manhattan”. David wrote "Funny: The Book" (Applause), blogs for The Huffington Post, and his play “Pretty Naked People” has its world premiere in Los Angeles this winter.
David’s taught comedy at USC, musical satire at UCLA, and lectured at Oxford University, the Smithsonian Institute, and the University of Sydney (Australia); Yale, 92nd St. Y, Actors Studio, New York Public Library; American Film Institute, Burbank Comedy Festival, Grammy Museum (Los Angeles); Lucasfilm; Austin Film Festival, Midwest Popular Culture Association and VIEW Cinema Conference (Torino, Italy). More at davidmisch.com.
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